Why My Partner Can’t Meet My Needs
As someone in a relationship you may frequently find yourself feeling as if your partner is not meeting your needs. When you spend time thinking of others it can be frustrating that your partner is just not able to do the same thing for you.
Here you are able to figure their needs out and satisfy them so why can’t they magically figure out what you need. And their attempts are often met with rejection when they aren’t even close to what you really need. You may find yourself wondering if you’re the only one that isn’t getting their needs met, and why can’t your partner find the right answer.
You give so much of yourself and don’t receive as much in return so end up thinking it’s just better to do it yourself. This solution leaves you exhausted and stressed which in turn makes you irritable even filled with rage sometimes.
Stubbornly you justify your stance, that you don’t think you should have to spell out your needs, that it means so much more when your partner just instinctively knows. After all how difficult can it be if you’re able to fill the needs of others why can’t your partner. At some point you may even have a conversation and tell them it just would mean so much more if you didn’t have to tell them what you need. You question why you even have to ask because by doing so it just doesn’t feel real. Sometimes feeling as if they are asking too much already can get in the way of asking their partner to meet their needs.
The ways of being in a relationship ( keeping ourselves alone by not asking for what we need and not receiving it when it comes ) is a result of not learning how to ask for what you needed as a child. The child has learned to do everything by themselves which served to protect themselves by not needing others. As a grown up they continued to do everything for themselves because that is what worked so why not keep doing it that way. Which worked fine until they grew up and found themselves in a relationship.
As an adult it’s important to learn how to ask for what you need and accept what your partner offers you. At Heart and Oak, one of our caring therapists in Victoria BC can provide guidance to learn the skills on the path to a better relationship.